Social media, self-help books, commercials, and ads constantly tell us what we “should” be doing with our lives. Everything from how to brush our teeth, win the perfect job, exercise, or improve our mental health, has an expert (or more) telling us what we should be doing and sometimes with conflicting advice!
As helpful as many of those resources can be, sometimes we feel overwhelmed and burdened by all the “shoulds” weighing on our shoulders. I’ve often fallen prey to these ideologies myself. That is, I used to until I began to replace “should” with “could.” Doing so has altered my internal dialogue, created a more positive mindset, and begun to silence my inner critic.
This blog post will explore the tyranny of “should”, the empowering power of “could”, and practical tips for shifting our language.
As you read, please don’t “should” yourself into ditching the “shoulds” in your life. As with all growth, there will be steps forward and steps back. The goal is continual growth with plenty of space to embrace who we are while transforming.
Let’s get started!
The Tyranny of “Should”
We’ve all been there with that relentless inner voice, a constant critic, dictating how we should be living our lives.
Common culprits of this negative self-talk include:
- “I should be more confident.”
- “I should take up less space.”
- “I should be better at my job.”
- “I should spend more time with my family.”
- “I should take more time for self-care.”
- “I should volunteer more.”
While these statements might seem harmless, their cumulative effect is anything but. This constant pressure to conform to an idealized version of ourselves can lead to a downward spiral of self-criticism and negative self-talk. When we’re busy trying to live up to external “shoulds” imposed on us by experts, we lose sight of what we can do and what truly matters to us. By ignoring our intuition and deferring to the standards of others, we feel internal conflict that manifests as stress, guilt, and low self-esteem.
The Empowering Power of “Could”
Replacing “should” with “could” is more than just a semantic shift; it’s a transformative act of self-compassion. By reframing our inner dialogue, we create a space for possibility, growth, and kindness towards ourselves by removing the guilt accompanying the “shoulds.”
When we ask ourselves self-compassionate questions, without judging ourselves for what we should have done, we open a world of potential. This shift in perspective can ignite a spark of motivation, propelling us forward rather than holding us back. The pressure to be perfect is replaced by the freedom to learn and grow while giving us space to be human with all our flaws.
Releasing the “shoulds” also decreases anxiety by releasing the burden of living according to arbitrary standards set by ourselves or others. Imagine how much easier life would be if lived with curiosity, opportunity, and acceptance.
Practical Tips for Shifting Should to Could
Below are a few practical tips to help shift the way you speak to yourself:
- Mindful Language: Pay attention to your self-talk. Does the way you speak to yourself make you feel better or worse? Does your language lead to guilt or freedom? Notice without judgment and adjust if needed.
- Questioning Your Assumptions: When you observe yourself stuck in “should” statements, get curious. Where did those ideas come from? How can you begin to explore alternative ways of thinking? Try replacing “should” with “could” and see how that changes your internal emotional landscape.
- Positive Affirmations: Create a list of positive statements or mantras to reflect on throughout your day. Use these mantras as cues throughout your day to shift your perspective. Be gentle with yourself. Don’t expect yourself to make a complete one-eighty in your thoughts instantly. Instead, allow slow progressive growth by opening yourself up to the possibility of thinking about yourself or your situation differently.
Here are a few examples of a more positive internal dialogue:
- “I wonder how I can…”
- “What would it look like if…”
- “What can I do to…”
- “How can I increase…”
- “I have the potential to…”
- “It’s possible for me to…”
Each of these statements focuses on personal curiosity, actions, or potential, instead of the “shoulds” given by ourselves or others. Do you see the shift away from shame and guilt and toward opportunity and possibility?
Overcoming Resistance
Remember, rewiring the brain to think differently is possible, but it takes practice over time to shift our “shoulds” to “coulds.” There will be days when you slip into old habits, and that’s okay! Growth is not linear! Don’t become discouraged in the process. Notice where you are making progress and pause to celebrate that growth, no matter how “small.”
At Show Your Spark, we’re here to support you on your journey towards self-love and empowerment. Our Spark Sessions, transformative portrait experiences, are designed to ignite your inner spark and provide you with photographic evidence of your strength, beauty, and unique inner light so you can live with greater freedom, confidence, and joy. Our studio is a place full of possibilities.
We invite you to set aside your “shoulds” and explore new “coulds” with us! Contact us today to learn more about what Spark Session could look like for you!
